Zen Goddess in Training?!?

I've been trying to stay away from my thoughts about TTC and that is why I haven't updated in a while.

I started Clomid cycle #2 on April 12 (ended the 16th) and am currently at CD13. (I shouldn't be thinking about this shit, I'm gonna head out on a downward spiral) Anyways, this round of clomid was a true turn around from the first cycle. I am not pyscho bitch woman, I'm normal happy with a touch of hot flashes. I would take the hot flashes any day over psyco woman.

No signs of ovulation yet but we r gonna start doing and keeping the goods in.....Had a "great" chat with my momma about tips she got from her friend that battled with IF. I was told to do it missionary, hold the goods in for atleast an hour, don't finish anywhere but in the bedroom, take vitamin b6, etc. Great conversation to be having with your momma at 10am on a Saturday morning.

Anyways, I have big plans of keeping the goods in as long as possible and trying to keep my hips elvated. I've also been drinking craptons of green tea as it worked wonders with my CM last month and clomid is supposed to dry a girl up...

Finally started talking to A about his in our daily walks, I guess our friendship is growing. A was 29 when they conceived and they weren't supposed to have kids cuz thats what there doctors said (rolling my eyes a little bit cuz I know how much A overexagerates). She did the whole legs in the air thing when they got pregnant.

I'm really starting to feel the whole not thinking about babies thing is slipping out of my control. I have to stop thinking and talking about it. I'm gonna finish this entry and go to bed and wake up a more zen like woman!

ZEN ZEN ZEN

In other news, I've been doing ok on the weightloss. I finally finally broke over my plateau am down almost 13 pounds! I haven't weighed in in a week but tomorrow is going to be the big day. I've been eating ok, not quite as disiplined with hubby home. But I've been going for walks 3-6 times a week (wearing leg weights now) and either riding my bike or doing my stepper or pilates and belly dancing once a week. I love Tuesday nights because they are Biggest Loser evenings and I work my ass off during the episode.

I had a fashion show with all my clothes that I haven't worn in months or years. My dress pants and dress shirts are large now. The bridesmaid dress that I wore two years ago (its strapless), falls down, past my bra!!! I can actually do up these little hipsters that I bought in Brazil when I was 17 years old! That was the most remarkable thing....even though they were skin tight and I had pudge hanging out, they were done up with out a fight!!!! My boobs have gone though, I betcha I'm only a C cup (down from a full D). I miss them....and so does DH (thats the first thing he noticed when he got home from being gone for 4 weeks).

Yawn, its my bed time!

ZEN ZEN ZEN

Can I Control Myself???

I've had such a peaceful month so far, DH has been out of town for work for my entire cycle, so I had no TWW. No stress, no thinking too much, over-anaylzing or worrying.....its been awesome. Now DH is home and I am waiting for AF to show and then I am going to begin my second round of clomid. I really want to keep the peace though and I'm not sure how I am going to work that. I still want to count out to ovulation so that we can BD at the appropriate times but I don't want all the stress that is associated with the TWW.

How do I do this?

I hear so many people that take breaks on TTC and suddenly get pregnant that month but we aren't taking a break, we are using clomid so its going to be in my head. I think I will try meditation but I can't meditate all day.

We are planning a trip home at the end of the month so that is something to look forward too but that is right at the end of my TWW. Eeeek! I should just throw myself into exercise every time I think about babies.

Great news, last year a girl on a board that I belong too lost her baby while she was in the 8th month of pregnancy. She tried so hard to get pregnant and finally resulted in her pregnancy with IVF and then god took her baby away. I was so sad for her. I went to a fertility shrine and prayed for her, me, my BFF and another girl on that same board that had been TTC for way too long. Sure enough when I got home the one girl was pregnant and now almost a year later the other board member is pregnant. Hhhhmmmm, I am truly happy for her, no jealousy whatsoever.

Well I'm not sure if I'll be back or not for a while, as this is my blog about TTC and if I'm writing on here that means that I'm thinking about it!

Please pray for us and wish us luck!!!