Just signing into blog even though I don't care anymore about TTC. I'm doing really well at keeping it out of my head and it seems to be working. I don't think this month is gonna happen cuz DH is out of town but oh well, there will be another month and maye I will try my clomid.
I do care but I can't care. Like last night when my BFF were talking and she said something about never having problems getting pregnant and immediately stopped what she was saying, got a horrible look on her face and but her hand on my knee and apologized and said that she thinks about me lots. It was a small slap to the face and I know she didn't mean anything by it and in a way it was a little bit of a relief cuz atleast I know that she is taking our issues seriously, etc. Then my sister this morning tells me that she has something to tell me that is going to make me very mad....her little school friend that I used to babysit is pregnant. 18 years old, going to college and pregnant. I wasn't mad at all (or jealous). I'M OVER IT.
I hope I can keep this attitude up because I think it is healthy for my head.
I also found the website sparkpeople and I've been tracking my food. I love it and this can be my new internet obsession (instead of baby websites).
DH has a major case of baby fever. Its cute and I bug him.
Anyways, gotta get off of here before I start thinking so much!
TTYL
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Giving Up
Part of me wants to give up TTC. I'm just so frustrated. As I am watching Jon and Kate Plus 8 and all the pregnancy commercials just make me angry and so freaking mad. I'm just so mad at my body, I don't understand why we are not making babies. Last month we had lots of freakin sex, every morning. I layed in bed with a pillow under my butt for like 15 minutes after sex. I took my vitamins, I pretty much quit drinking in the TWW. DH has been taking maca. We've eaten healthy, drank lots of water...... The only thing I have left to do is quit thinking.
Maybe that is my problem, probably is. I was obsessive in the last week before my period. I'm going to stay mad at my body and myself. Maybe that will help me.
I just wish I had some one in real life who could understand the shit that is going on with me. Everyone I know gets pregnant right away. Actually, one of my BFF's hasn't gotten pregnant yet and they have been trying for a year but it doesn't seem to bug her or she just doesn't let me know how much is does bug her. I try and talk to her about it but I just sound liike a crazy freak. Maybe I will call her......
Stupid body.....
Maybe that is my problem, probably is. I was obsessive in the last week before my period. I'm going to stay mad at my body and myself. Maybe that will help me.
I just wish I had some one in real life who could understand the shit that is going on with me. Everyone I know gets pregnant right away. Actually, one of my BFF's hasn't gotten pregnant yet and they have been trying for a year but it doesn't seem to bug her or she just doesn't let me know how much is does bug her. I try and talk to her about it but I just sound liike a crazy freak. Maybe I will call her......
Stupid body.....
Sunday, January 18, 2009
STUPID AF
Well I'm back posting again to get some shit off my mind.
I got my stupid period again. I had myself all convinced that I was pregnant. I had been feeling well all week, boobs were sore, had a super low tolerance for alcohol, etc etc. I kept myself from testing until Saturday morning, when AF was due. Friday night when I went to bed I kept thinking to myself, this is my last normal night, the last night before I find out I am pregnant. DH even said all week that I had a mischievous twinkle in my eye all week.
I'm starting to give up hope. I don't know if I will ever have a baby that I desperately want. I tried being all positive this month that this was the month and BOOM, AF breaks my heart. Last night when I went to bed I wanted to cry and cry and cry. I just don't understand why God hasn't given me a baby.
Now DH is back gone away to work and its going to be hit and miss for a long time. There isn't even any point to doing clomid this month as he will be gone by the time I'm ovulating.
Why is it so hard for us????? WHY
I got my stupid period again. I had myself all convinced that I was pregnant. I had been feeling well all week, boobs were sore, had a super low tolerance for alcohol, etc etc. I kept myself from testing until Saturday morning, when AF was due. Friday night when I went to bed I kept thinking to myself, this is my last normal night, the last night before I find out I am pregnant. DH even said all week that I had a mischievous twinkle in my eye all week.
I'm starting to give up hope. I don't know if I will ever have a baby that I desperately want. I tried being all positive this month that this was the month and BOOM, AF breaks my heart. Last night when I went to bed I wanted to cry and cry and cry. I just don't understand why God hasn't given me a baby.
Now DH is back gone away to work and its going to be hit and miss for a long time. There isn't even any point to doing clomid this month as he will be gone by the time I'm ovulating.
Why is it so hard for us????? WHY
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Its Been Awhile....
Wow! Its been 3 months to the day since I updated.......
Well unforunately I do not have any great news, per say. I am still not pregnant but we found out that we can get pregnant so that is FANTASTIC news.
DH and I each went for a physical. All my hormone levels came back great. DH did a semen anaylsis and we waited and waited and waited for the results. Finally a few days later the DR calls back and wants DH to come in. I was freaking out, unable to sleep and just a big bundle of nerves. DH gets up and was at the clinic as soon as it opened and it turned out he was not called in about is semen anaylsis. So we wait and wait and wait. It had been a month when the DR's office calls me in and wants to see me. Now I'm freaking out, why do they want to see me???? So the next day both DH and I go into the DR and turned out I had an abnormal pap. We ask about his semen anaylsis and everything was great.
The doctor then talked to us about our options. We could start clomid for 3 months and if that doesn't work we will then get referred to a fertility clinic (which is about a 2-3 month wait to get in). We take the prescription for clomid, unsure what we are going to do abouty it. Leaving that doctors office with that great news was awesome!!!! I practically jumed into DH's arms and you couldn't wipe the smile off my face.
It feels so good knowing that everything is ok and our timing must just be off. Truly a huge weight lifted off our shoulders.
So DH is home for a few months working in town. Lots of opportunity for baby making. I was expecting AF right before Christmas and was so excited at the possibility of getting the BFP and being able to announce it to our families during Christmas. Well, AF showed up right on time. Damn it!!!!!!
Now I was supposed to start the clomid on CD5 but since we were out of town and the doctor mistakingly wrote someone else's name on the prescription, that was not going to happen that month. DH is/was hesitant about clomid as it does increase the likelyhood of multiples but we did our homework and looked at the probability and I finally convinced him. I honestly wouldn't care if we had twins or trips (anymore than that at once though, would not be ideal in my books). He is just so scared that we would end up like Jon and Kate Plus 8.
Hhhm, what else is happening on the baby making front????
I got some OPK's in clearance for half off so we used them this month and I was very unsatisfied with them. With charting and using OPK's previously, I ovulated on CD17 (and had a 28 day cycle). With these OPK's the only day that I actually had a dark second line was on CD14. CD17's OPK was so faint you could barely see it. WTF???? So I am assuming that I ovulated on CD14. I think we timed our sex good. (I'm excited to see what happens as on CD14 we got kinda drunk and came home and had some fantastic sex). Anyways, if I acutally ovulated on CD14, I will be having the perfect 28 day cycle, which is kinda sweet cuz I was working to lengenthn my luteul phase.
AF is due this Saturday and I have no pregnancy tests in the house so if AF isn't here by Sunday off to Walmart we go with fingers crossed!!!!!! And if anyone is actually reading this, please keep us in your prayers as we both have caught the baby fever bad over Christmas!!!!
Well that is my update for now and I will try posting more.
Audios.
Well unforunately I do not have any great news, per say. I am still not pregnant but we found out that we can get pregnant so that is FANTASTIC news.
DH and I each went for a physical. All my hormone levels came back great. DH did a semen anaylsis and we waited and waited and waited for the results. Finally a few days later the DR calls back and wants DH to come in. I was freaking out, unable to sleep and just a big bundle of nerves. DH gets up and was at the clinic as soon as it opened and it turned out he was not called in about is semen anaylsis. So we wait and wait and wait. It had been a month when the DR's office calls me in and wants to see me. Now I'm freaking out, why do they want to see me???? So the next day both DH and I go into the DR and turned out I had an abnormal pap. We ask about his semen anaylsis and everything was great.
The doctor then talked to us about our options. We could start clomid for 3 months and if that doesn't work we will then get referred to a fertility clinic (which is about a 2-3 month wait to get in). We take the prescription for clomid, unsure what we are going to do abouty it. Leaving that doctors office with that great news was awesome!!!! I practically jumed into DH's arms and you couldn't wipe the smile off my face.
It feels so good knowing that everything is ok and our timing must just be off. Truly a huge weight lifted off our shoulders.
So DH is home for a few months working in town. Lots of opportunity for baby making. I was expecting AF right before Christmas and was so excited at the possibility of getting the BFP and being able to announce it to our families during Christmas. Well, AF showed up right on time. Damn it!!!!!!
Now I was supposed to start the clomid on CD5 but since we were out of town and the doctor mistakingly wrote someone else's name on the prescription, that was not going to happen that month. DH is/was hesitant about clomid as it does increase the likelyhood of multiples but we did our homework and looked at the probability and I finally convinced him. I honestly wouldn't care if we had twins or trips (anymore than that at once though, would not be ideal in my books). He is just so scared that we would end up like Jon and Kate Plus 8.
Hhhm, what else is happening on the baby making front????
I got some OPK's in clearance for half off so we used them this month and I was very unsatisfied with them. With charting and using OPK's previously, I ovulated on CD17 (and had a 28 day cycle). With these OPK's the only day that I actually had a dark second line was on CD14. CD17's OPK was so faint you could barely see it. WTF???? So I am assuming that I ovulated on CD14. I think we timed our sex good. (I'm excited to see what happens as on CD14 we got kinda drunk and came home and had some fantastic sex). Anyways, if I acutally ovulated on CD14, I will be having the perfect 28 day cycle, which is kinda sweet cuz I was working to lengenthn my luteul phase.
AF is due this Saturday and I have no pregnancy tests in the house so if AF isn't here by Sunday off to Walmart we go with fingers crossed!!!!!! And if anyone is actually reading this, please keep us in your prayers as we both have caught the baby fever bad over Christmas!!!!
Well that is my update for now and I will try posting more.
Audios.
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