I am still stuck in two week wait and I am going absolutely crazy. I am pretty postive that I am PMSing but I don't want to be. Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please let me be pregnant.
If you look at my life through a window, one might say its pretty perfect. I have a very happy marriage, lots of love, no big fights, a cute couple (lol). We live in a beautiful brand new house with all the upgrades we could have done and its all paid for. Everything in our house is brand new and paid for. We have an awesome family that we get along great with and same as our friends. Our health is good. I am fortunate enough to have been able to take the summer off.
But I can't help but think that we can't have everything.....is a baby the one thing we can't have? I would give up everything, except for our marriage, health and friends and family. I don't give a shit about the material possessions. I want to make a baby that is half me and half my husband. I want to see my husband flourish as a daddy aand I want him to see me as a mom.
I don't really know anyone else that has fertility issues, could we be the one in ten couples that do? Fertility issues, I don't even know if we do have issues I just want that BFP!
PLEASE
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Did I Swallow Some Crack
I have soooo much energy, I am wondering if someone put some crack in my coffee. The last two days I have just been off the wall with twitchy nerves. I feel like I could run a marathon. I haven`t even been drinking much coffee, maybe 2 cups a day. Weird. I should really be doing something with all my energy, but of course I am not, being lazy and wasting my days away. I am getting bored, hell I am bored. Its time for a job. I can`t believe its already been 3 months of unemployment so far, never thought I would last this long but I am so happy I did it. I haven`t had time to relax in years and I think I am officially caught up.
Days are dragging. I`m in the two week wait for my stupid period, which I hope and pray I don`t get. I take my temps every morning and turns out that fertility friend says I ovulated two days after DH left for work. Damnit, but they could be wrong....... My temps are still up but I am only 6DPO so I`ve got some waiting to do. God I want to be pregnant. Please let it be this month. My period is supposed to be here on the 2nd, so we will see then I suppose. Please don`t let it be a let down like every other month.
What the fuck is going on with my keyboard. None of the proper second symbols are working, as u can see with my apostraphies.
DH wants me to go for a drive today and buy him a quad. I think this is the stupidest thing I`ve heard all week. I would never send him to Calgary to buy me a pair of shoes, so why would he send me to this town that is two hours away.
Its my birthday next week. One of our good friends shares a bday with me and she wants to do something together. Except she is so boring, wants to stay home and have a BBQ. I suggested we go bowling, you know do something and get out of the house but she wants to stay at home. I have been very vague with her when she brings it up. But the other day I seen one of our other friends wrote on his FB that he is excited for our bday extravagaza. I want to go out and have fun dammit but I guess I don`t give to shits about my birthday so whatever.....
Days are dragging. I`m in the two week wait for my stupid period, which I hope and pray I don`t get. I take my temps every morning and turns out that fertility friend says I ovulated two days after DH left for work. Damnit, but they could be wrong....... My temps are still up but I am only 6DPO so I`ve got some waiting to do. God I want to be pregnant. Please let it be this month. My period is supposed to be here on the 2nd, so we will see then I suppose. Please don`t let it be a let down like every other month.
What the fuck is going on with my keyboard. None of the proper second symbols are working, as u can see with my apostraphies.
DH wants me to go for a drive today and buy him a quad. I think this is the stupidest thing I`ve heard all week. I would never send him to Calgary to buy me a pair of shoes, so why would he send me to this town that is two hours away.
Its my birthday next week. One of our good friends shares a bday with me and she wants to do something together. Except she is so boring, wants to stay home and have a BBQ. I suggested we go bowling, you know do something and get out of the house but she wants to stay at home. I have been very vague with her when she brings it up. But the other day I seen one of our other friends wrote on his FB that he is excited for our bday extravagaza. I want to go out and have fun dammit but I guess I don`t give to shits about my birthday so whatever.....
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I Want That, Right Now
And that leads us to today, still not pregnant.
Who knew it was going to be so difficult? I am really starting to stress about it and don't have anyone to talk to it about. Sure I've told a few people but no one (including DH) knows how much I am strugglling with this. I even bought a basal body temperture thingy and have been trying really hard to keep up with it. I even quit drinking caffiene for about a month.
DH thinks it will happen when it happens, part of me believes him, part of me doesn't. We haven't been on birth control for years and years. An explanation to why we haven't gotten pregnant in the past is probably because DH was gone for ridiculous amounts of time. Its hard to get pregnant when you are alone.
I'm getting to the point where it is hard for me to be around friends that are pregnant or have kids. I WANT THAT, RIGHT NOW. I want my kid to look up into my eyes with unconditional love. I want to see DH excel as a father, I want to be the mother to his children, I want to be pregnant and get fat.
Please please lord, pass the gift of children on to my husband and I.
Who knew it was going to be so difficult? I am really starting to stress about it and don't have anyone to talk to it about. Sure I've told a few people but no one (including DH) knows how much I am strugglling with this. I even bought a basal body temperture thingy and have been trying really hard to keep up with it. I even quit drinking caffiene for about a month.
DH thinks it will happen when it happens, part of me believes him, part of me doesn't. We haven't been on birth control for years and years. An explanation to why we haven't gotten pregnant in the past is probably because DH was gone for ridiculous amounts of time. Its hard to get pregnant when you are alone.
I'm getting to the point where it is hard for me to be around friends that are pregnant or have kids. I WANT THAT, RIGHT NOW. I want my kid to look up into my eyes with unconditional love. I want to see DH excel as a father, I want to be the mother to his children, I want to be pregnant and get fat.
Please please lord, pass the gift of children on to my husband and I.
My life, my life, my life
Well I guess I'm not a loser or a blogger. lol I am back here so that I can talk to myself, let the world know my problems without anyone knowing.
My life, my life, my life........
DH and I celebrated our one year anniversary a few weeks ago! I can't believe a year has gone by already. I am happy to say that the first year was great, it wasn't the same, it was just great. We are more comfortable with each other, which I didn't think was possible considering we have been living together for over 6 years before marriage. My love life is PERFECT.
We finally went on our honeymoon this winter. We went to Thailand for a month. It was absolutely perfect. I'm so OCD and like to have everything planned out, but I gave all that up for our trip. We booked our flights and our first night hotel in Bangkok. We had no idea what we were going to do, but we travelled the whole country, seen a lot of neat things, meet some great people and did lots of relaxing. I never thought we would have had such a great time but we did! I could have stayed for a while longer, but part of me (the city girl part) wanted a flushing toliet, hot showers, not living out of a back pack and not worrying about cockroaches crawling all over me. We got home, just in time for a snow storm. Lovely, going from 40 to -20 in 24 hours!
We got home, so in love, so excited to our friends and family. We quickly made a trip home to see our new niece that was born while we were away. That was kinda difficult, since we were expecting a BFP while we were away but lucky me got AF just in time for our flight home. I was happy for BIL and SIL but was also so jealous and a little bit sad. With DH working away all the god damn time, I thought sure as shit that I would be pregnant when we got home....
My life, my life, my life........
DH and I celebrated our one year anniversary a few weeks ago! I can't believe a year has gone by already. I am happy to say that the first year was great, it wasn't the same, it was just great. We are more comfortable with each other, which I didn't think was possible considering we have been living together for over 6 years before marriage. My love life is PERFECT.
We finally went on our honeymoon this winter. We went to Thailand for a month. It was absolutely perfect. I'm so OCD and like to have everything planned out, but I gave all that up for our trip. We booked our flights and our first night hotel in Bangkok. We had no idea what we were going to do, but we travelled the whole country, seen a lot of neat things, meet some great people and did lots of relaxing. I never thought we would have had such a great time but we did! I could have stayed for a while longer, but part of me (the city girl part) wanted a flushing toliet, hot showers, not living out of a back pack and not worrying about cockroaches crawling all over me. We got home, just in time for a snow storm. Lovely, going from 40 to -20 in 24 hours!
We got home, so in love, so excited to our friends and family. We quickly made a trip home to see our new niece that was born while we were away. That was kinda difficult, since we were expecting a BFP while we were away but lucky me got AF just in time for our flight home. I was happy for BIL and SIL but was also so jealous and a little bit sad. With DH working away all the god damn time, I thought sure as shit that I would be pregnant when we got home....
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