Side Effects

I'm all done my first round of clomid. Wow! I decided to take the pills right before bed so that I could sleep thru the sideffects. The first night I took them I was all alone so I was kinda freaked out because I was scared that I would over dose or die of an side effect but I woke up fine. Actually I woke up lots throughout the night wondering if I was ok and if I was having a reaction.

DH came home from work the next day. I was very happy for that because I needed him more than ever. Plus he will hopefully be home for lots of BDing! I hate that his job takes him out of town. It is really dampering our TTC efforts. So many months we have been screwed over at ovulation time by him just going to work or he will come home just after ovulation, obviously too late. Oh well, it must not have been our time.

Anyways, back to the clomid. Take it the second night, no problems. The next day DH and I had a lot of running around to do and while we were out and about (generally having an ok time other than a melt down at the grocery store) I say something to DH and he just says, its ok its just the pills talking. Then I started noticing the ill side effect I was encountering.

MOOD SWINGS!

Ack, I'm just an emotional mean mess right now. Its just like PMS (that I just got done with less than a week ago). I had warned DH that a very common side effect was moodiness and I told him that he had to be nice to me and just grin and bear it. He's been doing a pretty good job with it but I'm feeling very bad for him and maybe I will have to do something nice.

Last night we went out to eat. I have eaten out in a long time and was a little anxious because of the whole change of diet recently. But I needed to eat and get out with my hubby man so I put the diet in the back of my head and had some mozzarella sticks as an appy, a disguistingly fattening plate of mac and cheese and dessert! We each got a little dessert with our meal and as we were ordering I said cheese cake and was about to make a suggestion to DH about what he should get (cuz I've been having PMS like food cravings too) he said chocolate sundae! Exactly what I wanted. I felt very much in love with my DH that he could read me and know me like that. So I told him now every time that I'm grumpy that he should just said chocolate sundae and I would get a big smile on my face. Lets just say that chocolate sundae has been said a lot around here.

I'm done the pills for a month.....but now what? What should we be doing to make this effective as possible without putting too much thought and effort into something that is supposed to be so natural? I think I'm going to use OPK's but I wanna do my homework on if I should take mucinex or just use preseed. I have noticed that I have hardly had an CM this month and last month I had lots. I've been trying to drink a lot of water. But should we stick the every second day BD? Which I don't want to because we just went without for 3 weeks and we have a lot of catching up to do. Should I lay in bed with my hips elevated for 20 minutes.

Ugh, why can't we just fuck, clean up the after mess and cuddle and make babies like everyone else????????????????????

Dh has baby fever. Last night as we were walking into the resturant we held the door open for a young family and little maybe 1 year was toddling out and DH was trying to talk to him and give him big smiles. That made my heart smile and hurt at the same time. I want to give him that and share that with him but why haven't I given him that?

I wish he was more involved and I wish I could talk to him more about my thoughts without sounding too crazy and obsessive!

I hope this clomid is going to work for us because I very much do not like the side effects and am thinking that DH will want to shoot me before 3 months is up. I keep buggin the poor guy about the triplets that we are going to make (and name them Jerome, Meeka and Dion after the greatest hockey team ever) and that I read on the interwebz that mood swings carry on for the pregnancy!

Hopefuly I will be back with good news in a couple of weeks!

Clomid

I thought I was doing so good last month, not obsessing about making a baby and then AF decided to show up 2 days early and boy was I devasted. I knew we probably wouldn't get pregnant this cycle but I just hate AF. She is so cruel. I was so angry and sad. I honestly wanted to stay in bed all day and cry but I dragged my ass out of bed and tried to go on with my life.

I started clomid last night after much debate. DH brought up the fact that I don't take aspirin when I have a headache so why the hell would I talk a fertility drug?? I kinda feel like we are cheating god or destiny but maybe this is our destiny?? We talked about it and decided to go thru with it. I want to make progress and see if it works and if not we will get booked into to seeing a fertility specialist.

I just don't how long I can keep going on like this. Getting pregnant is supposed to be easy and no one fucking understands and I'm sick of the comments that it will happen and you have to stop thinking about it. Easy for you to say as you got pregnant within a month. I just wish I had someone in my life who actually understands but I don't wish fertility issues on my worst enemy so its good that I have no one to relate too.

I just hope our time happens soon.......

Moving Forward

I think we will be trying clomid this next cycle. DH is still out of town working but he thinks he will be home by the beginning of March, which is when I should be ovulating! I'm excited at the possibility of finally getting to try the clomid! I hope it works for us!

All is well in my life. Been doing really well at the whole not thinking about getting pregnant. DH even commented that I have been much more relaxed about it this month. He then said that was talking with a guy at work and saying how we are TTC and this guy and his wife TTC for 12 years! I hope we don't have to wait that long because I would have given up by then.

AF is due on Friday the 13th! Yikes!! Oh well, get it over with so I can start the clomid and we can do lots of BDing!!!

Still not Caring

Hello! Well I'm still not thinking about TTC and I'm proud of myself. Well I wouldn't say that I completely stopped caring but I am definately not obsessing anymore. A few things still bug me:

1. My sis telling me that she has something to tell me that will make me angry.....her 18 yr old friend is pregnant. Didn't get upset at all. I feel bad for this little girl that I've know forever. But it did upset me that my sis and mom talked about how it would upset me. Errr

2. My BFF talking in passing about not having problems getting pregnant and then getting a horrified look on her face and back tracking. Ugh, why not just stab me???

3. Same BFF asking me the other day how the whole TTC thing is going. It hurts me to talk about it. What am I supposed to say?

4. Realizing I only have a few more months left to have a baby in 2009. This scares me that time is going by so fast!


I'm still putting all my obsession into my eating and excerising. I love sparkpeople. The nutritional tracker is so awesome. I always thought I ate so healthy but I realize how bad olive oil is or how much carbs are in everything. I hope I can see some results one day! Excerising is going ok, I need to do more but I got out my bike last night and did 5km. Each day I'm going to try and take it a little bit farther. I want to take a spin class but don't want to look like a out of shape loser so hopefully in the next few weeks I can get up to 60 minutes of cycling.

I've also starting drinking lots of water. Usually I could drink a glass or 2 a day and not be thirsty. Now I'm drinking atleast 8 glasses of water a day and if I don't I'm soooo thirsty. Plus my CM has increased amazingly!!!! And all these people are taking herbal supplements to increase CM.

Anyways thats my thoughts of the day. I'm going to go excerise since I have all this energy built up! Adios