Trying To Keep It Together

Well, I've been doing pretty good with the whole not thinking about the baby, TTC issue.....until yesterday. I was so excited to see that AC/DC is touring, I hopped into my email to send DH the links so I could beg him to spend $800 on flights to go see them. Anyways, I see my friend had emailed me and the subject line was announcement. I open the email and there is this cute little slide saying that they are adding to their home, by two feet. EDD March. I just stopped and stared at my computer for a minute, got mad and slammed my laptop down and went and had a hot shower. Before I opened the doors to get out the shower I talked myself down and said I was going to leave all my sadness and jealousy in the shower. That worked pretty good.

It still makes me a little angry. My friend just got married at the end of July and she is older (32ish) and didn't want kids but her DH did. I suspect that they are having a wedding night baby. I'm hapy for them but I am so jealous.

I looked at my SIL pictures on facebook and there was our darling niece. Each little caption (Daddy's little girl, smiling for mama, etc) just pulls at my heart strings. They started dating after we did (over a year later), DH is the oldest child, they got married a year before us and had babies before us. We were supposed to be the first but I'm over that. I realize that they don't have life goals like we do but I'm pretty sure they went off BC on there first wedding anniversary and 9 months later came the little bundle of joy.

How am I going to deal with jealousy? I'm trying. I'm a bigger woman than that, I know I am. But I remember when everyone was getting married and engaged before us and I was so green with envy it wasn't even funny. But I somehow dealt with it and I guess I will have to some how deal with this.

On a TMI note, last night I had some major major mucus that is supposed to happen when you ovulate. I kinda wish I was charting so that I could see what is going on with my body. I've been taking B6 pills to try and extend my lutuel phase and by the looks of it, it is working and I am ovulating earlier. TO FREAKIN BAD DH ISN'T HOME so we will have no chance again this month.

Anyways, I got my little venting off my chest......until I get pissed off next time. Chow